I'm gonna cut to the chase here.
The education that we get about sex is crap.
Mixed messages, misinformation, myths, shame, and fear infiltrate almost everything we are taught about our sexuality.
You are taught about sex as a young man. Well, taught to be scared of it, because you’ll get her pregnant or get some disease. And that more of it makes you more of a man. And that you should be ashamed of your desire. You’re taught that in the wrong context, it's a one-way ticket to hell and at the same time if you’re not having it, you’re a loser. Then you get older, and you hear that it will take you to some kind of “divine masculine” and that you’ll get to see god, maybe be god, inside her ecstasy.
Having never been given any instruction on sex, you’re supposed to magically know how to last for hours and give her so much pleasure her head explodes. You know porn isn’t real, but you love how easy it makes sex look, like no one ever makes an awkward move.
And when things do go wrong and she doesn’t get off or doesn’t like your touch, it’s your fault, and you’re inadequate. Men, after all, need to “perform”, and your performance is everything, right? If you don’t live up to her expectations, if she doesn’t cum, you’re obviously less of a man.
Fuck her open to god, but be tender and vulnerable. Be confident and self-assured, but don’t touch her in ways she doesn’t want. Go soft. Go hard. Go fast. Go slow. Go deep. Don’t go deep. Be intuitive and sensitive, but also strong and centered.
And all of this without ever haven taken a course on one of the most important things in your life: sex, and her pleasure.
Take a deep breath.
And get ready to let all of that go.
Step with me into a space where you can learn about women’s bodies, arousal, and pleasure, ask questions, and get clear, simple, honest information that could dramatically improve your sex life.
With some basic maps, tools, and communication skills, you can move past the idea of getting it right, and find your way into a sexual relationship that is based in play, creativity, curiosity, and open exploration.
As a somatic sex educator, I’ve had my hands on many women’s bodies. I’ve shown them their anatomy and the many ways that they can access pleasure with and through it. I’ve also learned from them the ways that they find pleasure, and I’m here to tell you: our pleasure changes. Day to day. Moment to moment. It is not static, but dynamic.
This is as confusing and mysterious to us as it is to you.
We aren’t given information about our anatomy of arousal. No one tells us how to find pleasure. Like you, we have to go it alone. We have to wade through the mixed messages and misinformation about women's bodies, sex, and pleasure, leading to confusion, frustration, and disappointment.
So we shut down. We fake it, and we succumb to the cultural malaise of sexual dissatisfaction.
There’s a pleasure revolution happening. Some of us are learning about our bodies, taking our pleasure back, and discovering just how much is possible.
Armed with clear anatomical information, a variety of ways to explore touch, and some practices to try with themselves and their partners, the women that I work with fluidly find their way to unimaginable depths of pleasure, their frustration and disappointment replaced with openness, excitement, curiosity, and creativity.
And now, I’m going to offer to you the very things that I show women every day so that you can learn how to approach your woman in ways that will unlock her pleasure and bring the two of you into deeper connection – physically, emotionally, and sexually.