As I read and re-read this comment, “Ewwwww that is disgusting! Get a life… social media is not the spot!” rather than all of the positive feedback swallowing this negative one, I feel something deep inside of my body shrink, shrivel, and contract. It feels like someone punched me in the gut and I’m doubled over, hanging my head, embarrassed, ashamed, and hiding my tears. And then the anxiety sets in, and the fear. It grips my belly and my chest, then my throat. I’ve done something wrong and I’m going to get into trouble, it says.
You don't have to be Casanova, throwing your cape around, making extravagant movements with a flourish. Just move a little to the left, and see what happens. It's easy to get overwhelmed here and give up. Take baby steps. The best gymnasts in the world don’t learn a full-twisting-double-back in one day. They don’t even learn it in a year! It’s a years-long process that takes dedication and practice.
In a world where facts are disregarded; where questionable, often fake news is swallowed whole by the President himself, and credible news is accused of being fake; where there is little agreement on what the most pressing concerns are; and where we seem to be more interested in ranting and raving on social media than in hearing the perspectives of our opponents, leading to exponentially increasing divisiveness, how to we get to the root of it all and enact real, lasting, meaningful change?
Instead, a strand of grief winds intimately around one of pleasure forming a single indistinguishable thread that becomes a part of the fabric of my being.
For a caterpillar to become a moth, it must literally digest itself. It eats and eats until one day it’s time to build its cocoon. Once inside, our caterpillar friend liquifies. L i q u i f i e s. Every cell – except for a few imaginal cells that hold the information needed to create wings, antennae, body, brain (we’ll get back to these later) – surrenders to the process; dying to the life and purpose it knew in order to fuel the form to come.
In my body-heart-mind, this whole-hearted engagement feels like the path to redemption. Maybe it’s too simple, naïve and innocent, but maybe, just maybe, living fully and completely into who we are in each and every moment is redemptive in and of itself.
She wishes she could disappear because she believes that’s what everyone wants from her: To disappear so that she can be whatever it is they want her to be rather than actually being herself.